first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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