I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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