it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
