The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
