I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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