You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
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