I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
sex in a hospital.. check
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
