had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
