just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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