How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Randomize
