Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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