How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
