I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
