Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
