dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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