Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
