Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
