I'm jealous of your bromance
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
