Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
