I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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