i don't like sucking hair
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
