So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Randomize
