I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
