I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
