so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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