Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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