it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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