No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
