Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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