pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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