There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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