he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
