They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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