You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
