There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
