we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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