Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
