im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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