I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
