just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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