She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
