Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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