remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
