i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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