My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
