You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
