I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
