MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
either way he was missing a nipple.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
