super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
