I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
