If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
