i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You're so nebulous sometimes
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i out mim tonsoeep
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