i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He? As in you personified your dick?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
