I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
