Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
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The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
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lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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