I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize