If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
