and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Randomize
