At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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