I got chris browned last night
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
