What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
