is your mom at the bar?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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