i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
