I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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