I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
