He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
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I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
My feet surprised me
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