I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
