Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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