he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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