dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
