Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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