An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
