I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
