i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
