Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
