There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I need to wash the frat house off of me
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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