I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
