There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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