All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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