Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
