This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You did what with his pubic hair?
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