I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
