I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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